


Simon Kissed Blair (The SKB Series)

by Dolimir



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-13
Updated: 2011-07-13
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:58:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolimir/pseuds/Dolimir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set directly after <i>Crossroads</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crossroads

"So it's back to Cascade?" Linda, the pretty veterinarian, asked the small group of men standing around her.

Jim smiled at her and bounced on his toes. "Well, actually, I thought we could all do some fishing tomorrow."

"I'm in," the vet said enthusiastically. "I'll spring for breakfast."

"Great."

Simon chuckled warily, shaking his head. "No, thank you. I think I prefer the mayhem of the city. Nice meeting you." He nodded his farewell to the young woman and headed for his car.

Blair watched the captain leave then looked back at Jim. "Uh...I think I'm down with the mayhem," he said, then quickly headed after Simon.

Simon turned to ask Blair about his plans when he saw the student walking toward him.

Jim laughed loudly. "I finally shook them."

Simon's jaw clenched when he saw Blair stumble briefly, knowing the anthropologist had heard his friend's insensitive comment. However, the younger man's voice betrayed nothing. "Hey, Simon, do you mind if I catch a ride back with you?"

"Sure, kid." The police captain slung his arm companionably around the smaller man and glared in Jim's direction, but the sentinel had already turned to finalize his fishing plans with the vet. "But I get to choose the radio station."

"No, problem, sir." Blair walked around the car and got in on the passenger side.

 _Oh, oh,_ Simon thought. _Sir_ from the anthropologist was never a good sign.

Blair pulled his seatbelt across his body and snapped it in place, then sighed, and seemed to shrink in on himself.

"Why don't you get some rest," Simon suggested quietly. "Lord knows you've had a busy day."

"Thank you, sir," came the tired reply.

Simon pulled a cigar from his case and jammed it between his teeth, although he didn't light it in deference to the queasy stomach he was sure his companion had. Some days, he just wanted to strangle Jim Ellison.

"Sandburg." Simon opened the side door and gently shook his passenger.

"Hmm?"

"Come on, Blair."

"Five more minutes."

Simon's deep laugh caused the student to blink awake. He looked startled to find himself outside the captain's house.

"Oh man, Simon, I'm so sorry. I..."

"Was totally wasted. Don't worry about it. If the body says sleep, then it's usually best to sleep, but I really think you should come inside now. I can't have you sleeping in the driveway. People will talk."

Blair blinked owlishly up at his friend. "I...I'll call a friend to come pick me up. You need to get some rest yourself. You did every bit as much as I did and then some."

"You'll do no such thing." Simon grasped the younger man's hands and pulled him from the car, continuing to steady him until he found his feet. "Are you hungry?"

"Ummm..."

"We'll have soup. Nothing too heavy," the captain assured him as he directed the anthropologist toward the house.

"Okay."

Simon unlocked the front door, turned on the hallway light, and waited for his friend to proceed him, then guided him toward the kitchen."

"I made some chicken soup the other day. I figure we can throw some extra noodles into it if you'd like."

The student grinned cheekily at him. "You made soup...from scratch?"

"Yes, I made soup from scratch." The captain growled, daring the younger man to make something out of it.

Blair held his hands up in submission, although the grin on his face didn't fade. "You need any help?"

"No, just sit tight. Take off your jacket. Relax."

Simon puttered around the kitchen, listening to Blair's warm voice as the grad student regaled him with cooking stories. Once he put the soup on to simmer, Simon turned to face his observer. "You know, he didn't mean it the way it sounded?"

Dark blue eyes looked up and locked on his. "We both know that he did, sir."

"Sandburg...Blair...you know he can't do this sentinel thing without you."

The student remained quiet for several minutes before he spoke. "Do we?"

"This is my fault."

"How do you figure that?"

"You were content to let him go. You understood his need for privacy. If I hadn't suggested we follow Jim, you would've stayed home."

"Despite the fact that everyone calls me 'kid,' I am an adult, sir. And I did make the decision to accompany you, now didn't I?"

"I'm sorry, Sandburg."

"Don't be. It's forgotten," the student said nonchalantly, but Simon didn't believe him.

They ate their meal in silence. When they were done, Blair helped him with the dishes, moving in the same graceful dance Simon had seen him do with Jim. When had he grown so at ease with the student? Despite looking every bit like a neo-hippie flower child with time on his hands now that the Dead have broken up, Simon knew that beneath it all beat the heart of a very courageous young man who would jump out of an airplane into a dense jungle...for him. Sandburg had long since moved from observer status in his mind to one of his men, someone under his protection, someone he cared about, someone he...

He cleared his throat. "Darryl's sheets are clean. Why don't you go ahead and turn in for the night."

"That's okay, Simon. I don't want to put you out."

"Then don't make me haul your ass home when all I want to do is slip between my sheets and get a solid night's sleep."

The student looked up at him and a slow smile blossomed over his face. "Yes, sir."

Simon looked down into the warm smile and said softly, "Now that's what I like to see--obedience." Almost by their own volition his hands moved up into the younger man's silky hair.

"Simon?" Blair asked quietly, his tone confused.

"I was never going to say anything...was never going to let you know..."

Blair swallowed hard, his hands coming up to rest on the taller man's chest. "Know what?"

But Simon couldn't find the words to tell the beautiful man in front of him what he thought. Instead, he slowly lowered his head, giving the student plenty of time to move back or put a halt to the proceedings; however, Blair stood his ground.

The kiss was tender, a whisper that said everything and yet not enough.

Simon backed away, gently laying his hands over the fists clenched in his shirt. "Good night, Sandburg."

Even though he moved at a slow and deliberate pace, he couldn't help but feel like he was running away. He shook his head briefly, wondering what had possessed him to finally act on a thought he had had several times in the last couple of weeks.

He walked straight through the master bedroom and into the bathroom, making his evening ablutions at a much slower pace than normal, wishing he could rinse his mistake down the drain as easily as he had the day's dirt and sweat.

He moved back into his bedroom and stopped abruptly when he saw the anthropologist standing in the doorway, looking lost.

"Simon." Blair's whisper was heartbreaking in its intensity; in its confusion; in its need.

He should have taken the kid home. He knew that now. But looking into the wide blue eyes staring so trustingly at him, he knew he'd never have been able to do it. Sending a quick prayer to the heavens, begging for forgiveness, Simon opened his arms. Blair stumbled into his embrace and wrapped his arms around Simon's waist. Simon closed his eyes as he tightly hugged the smaller man to him. He would deal with the consequences tomorrow, but tonight he would allow himself to dream of possibilities.


	2. Realities

Simon's nose twitched as he awoke. Blinking, he took the last few steps to consciousness and became aware of a curly head resting on his chest.

Blair.

Blair Sandburg was sleeping in his arms.

For a moment, he reveled in the feeling. But, as he knew it would, reality came slamming home. He and the observer had come home from Clayton Falls the night before. Knowing the kid was still feeling queasy and vulnerable from Jim's easy rejection of them both, Simon had made the decision to bring Blair home instead of allowing him to rattle all alone in the empty loft.

His mistake had been letting his heart out of its carefully constructed confines. In a moment of weakness, he had allowed himself to sink his hands into the sable hair and taste the lips that had been haunting him for weeks.

He closed his eyes remembering the sweetness of that mistake.

Then being the coward he was, he had made a hasty retreat to his bedroom.

He should have known better, should have known that Blair would follow. If he had been smart...

He sighed, knowing there was no right way to end that thought.

Blair had appeared at his bedroom door, confused and vulnerable. He couldn't risk sending the student home without damaging their friendship beyond repair and yet he knew better than to take his desire any further. In the end, he had satisfied himself with holding the young man throughout the night, feeling the smaller body wrapped around his.

Simon gently pressed his nose in Blair's hair and inhaled deeply. Jim Ellison, while a good cop, was a fool. What would it be like to have the total devotion of this young man, he wondered. Jim was an idiot if he thought he didn't have Sandburg's complete and undivided attention.

Simon glanced over at the digital clock on his night stand. Four o'clock.

How in God's name was he going to salvage this situation?

Fishing.

His chest heaved once in amusement. A part of him shook his head, wondering if he'd lost his mind, while the other part applauded his ingenuity. He still had four days off and, by God, Jim wasn't the only one who knew where there was good trout to be had.

The trick was going to be getting Sandburg to _play_ along. Simon knew if the young man had time to think about their situation, he'd jackrabbit. The only rational thing to do was to get them back into their routine of friendship as quickly and as smoothly as possible.

With that in mind, he slowly eased out of bed, careful not to jar the mattress. Blair snuffled in his sleep and rolled into the warm space Simon's body had just occupied. Once the student had settled down, Simon went about making some very quick morning ablutions.

For a moment, he simply stood in the front room. The food was still packed in the coolers in the car. The tent and fishing poles were also in the car. He had his wallet, his cell phone and his cigars. All that was left to do was to gather Sandburg.

Simon moved back into the bedroom and picked the student's Nike Severes off the floor and placed them on the comforter. Then, as gently as he could, he wrapped Blair in the comforter and lifted him into his arms. It said a lot about how tired the kid was when he didn't do anything more than nuzzle against Simon's chest.

Practically holding his breath the whole time, Simon carefully arranged Blair in the front seat of his car, locked the house and got on the road.

Simon grinned. This was going to work.

"Blair."

"Hmm?"

"Blair, it's time to wake up."

"Don't wanna."

Simon's laughter caused Blair to blink awake.

"Where are we?" Blair asked in confusion as he took in the interior of Simon's car.

"At my secret fishing hole."

"What?" he asked, shaking his head and clearing his throat when his voice cracked from disuse.

"Come on, sleepy head. Up and at 'em." Simon guided him out of the car.

"My God, where are we?"

"Here, put these on."

Blair fumbled with his glasses, but finally got them on his face. "Look, at this place," he whispered in awe as he took in the grove, the pond and the waterfall. "It's beautiful. But where are we?"

"Sandburg, what part of secret fishing hole don't you understand?" Simon grumped.

Blair laughed. "You've been holding out on us."

"Yeah, what's your point?" Simon gazed off to his left for a moment.

"What sort of fish do we have here?"

"A normal assortment. Crappy. Trout. Catfish."

"Hey, I have this great recipe for trout. You wrap the fish in maple leaves, put in some fresh herbs, garlic and bake it underneath some hot rocks. "

"I remember your telling us about that particular recipe last year. Good thing I thought to bring the ingredients with me this time."

"You didn't?"

"I certainly did."

"So this isn't a catch and release pond?"

"Hell, no."

"All right." Blair nodded his head, happily. "Hey, where are my shoes?"

*-*-*-*-*-*

Simon couldn't remember the last time he had had such a relaxing day. They had set up camp fairly quickly and had munched on a couple of granola bars to tide them over until lunch. He had, of course, made the expected grumpy remarks about eating squirrel food. Blair had just laughed at him and promised to make it up to him with lunch. It was amazing what the younger man's laughter did to him. It was warm and bubbly yet bordering on shy, making him feel safe and yet invincible.

They had fished in companionable conversation, swapping stories and making each other laugh.

He had worried at first that Blair would insist on talking about the night before, but the grad student seemed content just to spend time with him.

True to his word, Blair fixed the caught trout, using the recipe he'd mentioned. It was the most succulent fish Simon had ever eaten. Well fed and happy, he offered to show the student around his haven. Blair had immediately agreed and they'd spent the remainder of the afternoon hiking and exploring their surroundings.

When they came back to camp, they were both too exhausted to deal with skinning and deboning the fish and instead opted for the Dinty stew they had in reserves.

"This has been a wonderful day, Simon. Thank you for including me in it," Blair said quietly from his side.

"It was my pleasure, Sandburg."

Blair blew on his stew then took a bite before speaking again. "I...uh...I never expected today to turn out like this."

"Hey, I promised you fishing and fishing is what I delivered."

Blair smiled at him. "That you did, sir."

"We're not at the office, Sandburg. You don't have to call me sir."

Blair laughed. Simon rolled his eyes and playfully nudged the student with his elbow, making Blair miss his mouth with the next bite of stew.

"Geez, Sandburg, been feeding yourself long?"

Blair's eyes grew wide with indignation and Simon chuckled deeply. The student stuck his tongue out at him, then chuckled and finished his stew.

They cleaned up the remains of their dinner in companionable silence, neither one apparently feeling the need to fill the empty space with chatter.

Simon raised his arms and stretched. "I think I'll turn in now."

"I'll be right behind you. Just need to...you know?"

Simon nodded before ducking into the tent, wondering briefly what was going to happen next.

Blair moved into the tent and zipped it up against the falling temperatures outside. He quickly removed his jacket, his shoes, his flannel shirt and his jeans.

"Move over," he hissed. The cold mountain air caused goosebumps to pop up all over his exposed skin.

"Excuse me?"

"I said move over."

"Sandburg, you have your own sleeping bag."

"Yeah, but it's cold and you have that huge queen size thing. So move over. Move over. Move over. Move over, man." His teeth chattered as he sat down and wiggled in beside Simon. When he was fully in ensconced in the bag, he shifted around trying to find a comfortable position.

"For God's sake, Sandburg, I'm trying to get some sleep here."

"Oh hush your whining," Blair said quietly, squeezing himself between Simon's arm and chest.

"Did you just hush me, boy?"

Blair chuckled. "Why yes, yes I did. I must be feeling brave tonight."

"Or suicidal."

"You can growl all you want, Simon," Blair said with amusement, "but I got the goods on you now."

"Oh? And what goods would those be?"

Blair rolled onto his side, and wrapped one leg around the bigger man's legs. He then put his head in the crook of Simon's arm and placed one hand on Simon's chest. "You like me."

Simon sighed loudly.

"You're so busted, man."

Simon shook his head and chuckled softly. "Yeah, I guess you do grow on people--sort of like fungus."

Blair chuckled, then sighed happily, allowing the bigger man's heat to radiate through him.

"Simon?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"Why didn't..." he started but couldn't continue.

"Why didn't what?"

"Why didn't you make love to me last night?" he asked in a whisper.

Simon turned on his side and tightly wrapped his arms around Blair and held him for several minutes.

"What was the first thing you said this morning when you looked around?" Simon asked quietly into his hair, right above his ear.

"I...uh...I said you'd been holding out on me."

"No, son," Simon countered. "You said I had been holding out on us."

Blair pulled back a bit and looked into the older man's face. "I'm so sorry, Simon."

"Don't be. It's how you see yourself--as part of the team of Ellison and Sandburg. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Except that it hurts you."

"Sandburg...Blair. It doesn't hurt me. I've watched over the years as your hero worship of Jim turned slowly into friendship then metamorphosed into love. I've watched Jim think of you as nothing more than a hyperactive necessity to seeing you as his partner, a friend and someone he loves very deeply."

Blair shook his head in denial.

Simon held him tighter. "It's true, Blair. Jim loves you, but he can't deal with the fact you're male. It's not easy for a forty-year-old cop to wrestle with his sexuality this late in life. That's why he's been barking at you so much lately. You've wormed your way beneath all of his carefully constructed walls and he doesn't know how to react. He can't push you away because he needs you, but he can't have you standing so close either because you scare him."

"I...I..."

"The kicker to this whole scenario is that if he'd only stop and watch you for a little while he'd realize you're going through the exact same thing. The journey has the potential to be wonderful, if you'd only walk the path together."

"But what about you, Simon?" Blair asked quietly.

"What about me?"

"Simon--"

"What?"

"I...love you too."

"I know you do, son."

Blair rested his forehead on Simon's chest. "You know, I don't think of you in a fatherly sort of way."

Simon chuckled and rocked them gently back and forth.

"You love me," Blair said defiantly.

"Yes, yes I do," Simon admitted instead.

Blair jerked his head back and stared up into the dark face.

"But I also love you enough not to take advantage of you while you're vulnerable. You're still dealing with your feelings for Jim. You certainly don't need me mucking up the mix."

"But I do need you, Simon," Blair protested.

"Then it can wait. If the feelings are still there once you've worked through everything with Jim, then we'll talk."

"So we're not going to make love?"

Simon shook his head then pressed his lips to Blair's forehead. Using one hand, he tilted Blair's face upward and kissed his eyelids and cheeks; then ever so gently, he brushed his lips over Blair's, saying everything he felt without words.

*-*-*-*-*-*

"Blair."

"Hm?" the curly haired mass murmured from his chest.

"Blair, it's time to wake up."

"Don't wanna."

"Blair, I gotta get up and use a tree."

The form at his side growled. "Tough."

Simon laughed. "Oh ho, look who's grumpy in the morning! Why it's a Blair bear."

"Don't tease a man who hasn't had his coffee yet."

"Well, I'm willing to make it, but you've got to let me up."

The lump at his side growled again. "I don't got to do anything."

"This is a side of you I haven't seen before, Sandburg. Are you always this cranky in the mornings?"

"I'm not cranky."

Simon barked out in laughter, then rolled on top the grad student and unzipped the sleeping bag.

"Siiiiiiiii." The lump moaned as it was hit with the cold morning air.

"Serves you right, Bear."

Blair whimpered until Simon bent over and rezipped the bag.

"Coffee in ten."

"You're a saint amongst men."

"And don't you forget it either."

"As if you'd let me."

"Darn tooting."

*-*-*-*-*-*

"This has been an incredible four days, Simon." Blair reached into the trunk of the captain's car and pulled out his backpack. "I don't think I've been this relaxed in years."

"I know what you mean, kid." Simon shot the student a grin.

Blair rolled his gaze heavenward.

"Here, let me get that." Simon stepped forward and took the sleeping bag from Blair's arms. "Loft or basement first?"

"Basement. Otherwise this stuff won't get put away for days and that'll just annoy Jim."

Simon wisely held his tongue. They spent several minutes in the basement putting everything in its proper place.

"Want a beer before you head out?" Blair asked quietly.

Simon couldn't deny the pleading look in the observer's eyes. "Okay, but just one. Even though I don't have to report back until Tuesday, I really should check with Joel and see how things went in our absence."

"Well, it looked like most of Cascade was still standing when we drove in." Blair waggled his eyebrows and skittered out of the bigger man's reach.

"It's a good thing you're so young, Sandburg."

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, old man." Blair laughed as he pushed the button for the elevator. "So any big plans for tomorrow?"

"Not really. Daryl's coming over after school. I thought we might shoot some hoops."

"On a school night?" Blair asked with wide-eyed innocence.

Simon just chuckled. "I'm trying to loosen up a bit. It's no fun always being such a square."

"You are so not a square, Simon."

Simon grinned affectionately at the younger man. "Thanks, Bear."

The elevator door opened and they got out. Blair fished for his keys then unlocked the loft's door.

Simon held up the cooler. "Where do you want this?"

"On the island." Blair opened the refrigerator and snagged two beers. "I'll rub some spices over the fish then rewrap them."

"So where have you two been?"

Blair and Simon looked up toward Jim's bedroom.

"Jim!" Blair called out in greeting. "I wasn't expecting you back until Tuesday night. How was the fishing trip?"

"Apparently, not as good as yours."

"I wouldn't doubt it. You should see these beauties. Simon is totally holding out on you, man."

Jim raised an eyebrow as he descended the stairs. "Holding out on me?"

Blair chuckled. "Totally! You should've seen this place. It was practically paradise. So why are you back so early?"

"Because the townspeople kept coming out to the lake wanting to thank us for rescuing them."

"Sorry to hear that." Blair handed his unopened bottle of beer to Jim, then turned and got another from the refrigerator. "And hey, I'm also sorry we crashed your party, man," he added in a quieter voice.

"Don't be," Jim said softly. "If you two hadn't shown up when you did, I would've had to face Fisker and his men all by myself. I'm just sorry you guys didn't stick around."

Simon ground his teeth together but didn't say a word.

"Naw, we were totally intruding in your space."

"So you two went fishing, together?"

"Yeah." Blair grinned, opening his beer and taking a deep swallow.

"And you didn't kill each other?"

"No, we didn't kill each other," Blair mimicked in exasperation, then grinned conspiratorially at the captain. "Although it was a close thing. What is it with you and getting up before dawn anyway, man?"

"Best fishing is done before the fish wake up, Sandburg. Everyone knows that."

Jim laughed incredulously. "You actually got him up before dawn?"

"It wasn't that hard, if you ignored the growling," Simon teased. Looking at his watch, he frowned. "I really should be heading out."

Blair put his bottle on the counter. "Let me walk you to car, man."

Simon set his bottle beside it. "See you on Wednesday, Jim." Simon nodded his head in farewell.

"Well, actually, sir, I was thinking about coming in tomorrow."

"Think again, Ellison. See a movie. Go to a lecture. Sleep in. I don't care, but I don't want to see you until Wednesday."

"Okay." Jim chuckled.

Blair and Simon exited the loft and got onto the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors closed, Blair moved forward and wrapped his arms around the taller man. Simon returned the hug and pressed his lips to the smooth forehead. They parted before the elevator doors opened on the main floor.

"You coming in Wednesday?" Simon asked conversationally.

"Yeah, I'll be in after my morning classes. My guess is the feds will probably be champing at the bit to question us."

"You're probably right; but if not, we should, at least, send them our reports."

Blair whimpered playfully. "I shouldn't have to do paperwork because I decided to take a day or two of vacation, man."

"Since when?"

Blair shrugged. "True. God, how sad is that?"

Simon walked away slowly, still holding Blair's hand. He stopped when their arms were fully extended and only their index fingers were curled around each other.

"See you Wednesday, Bear."

"Try to relax tomorrow, Si."

"I will. And you, try not to immediately jump back into burning the candle at both ends, okay?"

"Hey, I'm a grad student. It's what we do."

Eyes locked on each other, they severed their connection and went back to their separate worlds.


	3. Transitions

Every muscle in Simon Banks' body was screaming for mercy, begging for just a few minutes of sleep. And as much as he would have liked to have obliged his body's desire, he knew, by looking at his travel companions, there would be no rest in his immediate future. He sighed as he tried, unsuccessfully, to brace himself for the upcoming confrontation. The carousel in front of him beeped noisily, then sputtered to life, although no luggage was immediately forthcoming.

Blair leaned wearily against him, and Simon placed an arm around the younger man's shoulders. "It should only be a little while longer," he said in a low, reassuring voice.

The police observer simply nodded.

Even without turning, Simon was aware of Jim's curious gaze on them, but didn't acknowledge the attention.

"Bear, there's your duffel bag." Simon waited until Blair straightened then stepped forward and retrieved the bag before it got too far away. He set it down by the student's feet, then turned and pulled Megan's leather suitcase off the carousel and placed it by her feet as well.

"Thanks, Captain," she whispered, exhaustion oozing out of every pore of her body.

Simon flashed her a smile and pulled his own bag off the metal conveyer as Jim straightened with his own gear in hand.

Jim urged their small group away from the crowd still waiting to pick up their items. "Megan, is your car in long-term?"

The inspector nodded.

"I guess we should take the shuttle then," Jim said, taking charge.

Simon bent over and picked up Blair's duffel bag. Jim frowned, but didn't say anything as their group moved toward the exit. They quickened their pace when they found the shuttle waiting at the curb. Clamoring on the bus, Megan dropped into the closest seat. Jim sat beside her. Simon sat across the aisle and wasn't too surprised when Blair slump beside him. Without thinking, Simon put his arm around the student's shoulder again, trying to give the anthropologist some small measure of comfort.

"Stop twelve," the bus driver intoned loudly.

"That's me, mates," Megan said, trying unsuccessfully to smile. "Yes," she called out to the driver in a louder voice. Picking up her bag, she turned toward Simon. "Monday, sir?"

Simon nodded. "And not a bloody moment before."

She flashed him a genuine smile.

"Are you good to drive?" he asked seriously.

"Yes, sir. I only live a few minutes from here. No worries." With that, she grabbed her bag and hopped off the bus with more energy than Simon would have believed possible.

The bus rumbled along for a few more minutes, stopping at other terminals and disgorging its passengers while picking up yet more. Finally, the bus driver yelled, "Stop two!"

"That's us, Bear." Simon gently squeezed Blair's shoulder and nudged the sleepy student's knee with his own.

Blair stood obediently. He blinked as the bus shuddered to a stop, apparently unsure of what he was supposed to do. Simon picked up both their bags. "Come on, kid."

Jim followed, his frown deepening.

The bus waited until all three were off, then rumbled back to life and pulled away.

"Come on, Sandburg. Let's get you home and into a nice warm bed," Jim said in a light voice, slinging his bag over his shoulder and patting his jeans pockets, looking for his keys. When he pulled them out, he looked up to find his roommate still rooted beside Simon. "Hey, Chief, I'm parked over there. Let's go home."

Blair looked at his feet and shook his head.

"What's going on, buddy?" Jim asked, his confusion evident.

"Jim, why don't I take Sandburg home with me tonight," Simon offered quietly.

"I don't understand."

Simon cleared his throat. "You, uh, that is...you haven't had time to move the kid back into the loft yet, and I really don't think he should be sleeping on the floor tonight."

As if to accentuate his point, Blair coughed several times, trying to clear his lungs.

Jim looked horrified. "Of course. What was I thinking?" Jim seemed to be at a loss for words for several seconds. "How about I pick him up first thing tomorrow morning?" he asked quietly.

"Ellison, if you show up on my doorstep at the crack of dawn tomorrow, I promise you'll be on patrol for the next six months." Simon grinned, trying to ease the tension between the two friends.

Jim chuckled and raised his hands in a half-hearted attempt to placate his captain. "Understood, sir. Why don't you two give me a call when you get up and moving tomorrow?"

"Deal," Simon said, not giving Blair a chance to answer. "See you tomorrow, Jim."

"Good night, sir. Take care of yourself, Chief."

Without answering, Blair turned and followed Simon to his car. Simon knew better than to look back at his detective. He just hoped Jim understood that his roommate needed some space after the events of the last couple of weeks.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Simon opened the front door of his house and ushered Blair before him. The grad student walked to the middle of the front room and simply stopped. Dropping his own bag, Simon closed his eyes and prayed for strength, knowing his friend was at the end of his rope and hoping he didn't mess things up more than they already were.

"Do you want some dinner, kid?"

Blair shook his head.

"Why don't you drop your bag and take off your jacket. Take a load off. Stay awhile."

Blair looked up at him, with a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Though he said nothing, he dropped his duffel bag to the floor and carefully laid his jacket on top of it.

Simon pointed to his lazy boy chair. "Flop yourself down in the chair over there."

The student shook his head.

"Boy, you're practically falling down from exhaustion," Simon said in exasperation. He studied the passive face for a moment, and a chilled ran through him as he realized that Blair hadn't spoken since they bordered the plane in Mexico City. A quiet Sandburg, he decided, was not necessarily a good thing. "What's going on, Sandburg?"

Simon watched Blair struggle to gather his thoughts enough to speak; but in the end, the observer simply remained silent. Closing the distance between them, Simon reached out and put both of his hands on Blair's shoulders, but Blair stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Simon's waist and buried his face his Simon's chest.

"It's okay." Simon nuzzled the top of Blair's head with his unshaven cheek and returned the tight embrace. He could feel Blair open his mouth to speak, but all he heard was a soft, anguished moan. Blair thumped Simon's back once in frustration.

"Take your time, Bear. I'm not going anywhere."

Blair took several deep breaths, but didn't move away; in fact, burrowed himself deeper into Simon's embrace. "He rejected me," he finally whispered.

"What?" Simon asked startled.

"Not once, but twice," came the quiet reply.

"That's not possible."

Blair pushed himself away from Simon in an explosive movement. "Not possible?" he asked angrily.

"Blair." Simon held out his hands in a placating manner. "I was at the...I was there when...he brought you back."

"I'm quite aware of that fact, Simon."

"So how can you possibly think that Jim would ever reject you?

Blair rubbed both hands over his face. "When..." He stopped to clear his throat, and tried again. "When he brought me back, we merged for an instant; and in that moment we were one, Simon. One mind. One body. One spirit. And I knew you'd been right when you said that Jim and I were meant to be together. The Chopec once called me a shaman and I'm not an idiot, I know what a death walk means to a shaman. With our bonding, I thought Jim and I were going to be invincible. It was as if I could feel the souls of all the shaman who had come before me smiling on our union." Blair rolled his head back onto his shoulders.

"What happened?"

"When Jim came to see me in the hospital..." Blair let loose a long shuddering breath and straightened. "I..." He shook his head angrily, then said quickly, "He said he wasn't ready to take that trip with me."

"Sandburg, I'm sure--"

Blair slashed his hand upward, cutting off Simon's protest. "I understand the whole beach thing with Alex in Sierra Verde. I do. He was fighting the sentinel mating imperative. But he left me, Simon. He left me in the jungle to go to her." Blair clenched his fists and trembled in rage.

"Blair--"

"No, Simon!" Blair shouted. "Even though Jim has accepted his senses, he's been fighting his need for a guide for a long time now. My...my dissertation almost put an end to us a few weeks ago. His escape to Clayton Falls just emphasized his need to be away from me. Then...then he threw me out of the loft and tried to make love to the woman who'd killed me. I mean, come on." Blair's laugh bordered on hysterical. "I fucking died and it didn't change a damn thing between us." Blair took a deep shuddering breath. "And what I want to know, Simon, is...are you still here for me?"

"You know I am."

"No, Simon. I mean, are you here for me?"

Simon stood very still, understanding the implications of what was being asked.

Blair sniffed once, then huffed harshly in amusement. "That's what I thought."

He bent to pick up his jacket before Simon snapped out of his turbulent thoughts. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Back to the motel. I paid for a month in advance."

Blair tried to slip his arm into the jacket, but Simon pulled it back off again. "Come on, Blair. Stay."

"I don't need your pity, man."

"It's not pity."

"The hell it's not." Blair picked up his duffel bag. "I'm out of here."

Simon growled. "No. You're not."

"You and what army?" Blair growled right back as he tried to shove his way past his friend.

Simon grabbed his arm and swung him around, pulling the duffel bag from his hand and throwing it across the room, before turning and wrapping the younger man in a bear hug. "I love you."

"No, you don't."

Simon chuckled. "Yes, I do."

Blair shook his head in denial, but Simon remained silent. He felt Blair's hands clench in his shirt, heard the gasping sob against his chest, felt the smaller body trembling against him.

"Please, Simon."

The cry tore at Simon's heart. Pulling back ever so slowly, he gently took Blair's chin in his hand and raised it until they made eye contact. With great deliberateness, he lowered his head and brushed his lips against Blair's. Blair moaned as he moved closer, as if trying to climb into Simon.

Running his hands leisurely down the length of Blair's back, he cupped the young man's jeans and lifted him. Blair instinctively wrapped his legs around Simon's waist while Simon moved down the hall toward his bedroom.

"Yes," Blair murmured against his lips, pulling back slightly to unbutton Simon's shirt.

"No, Blair," he whispered, even as he gently laid the younger man on the bed. He swallowed hard. "We're both too exhausted and too emotional to even contemplate trying something tonight."

"I'm tired of waiting, damn it." Blair reached out for Simon's shirt and yanked hard, causing the bigger man to lose his balance and fall on him.

Simon immediately pinned Blair's arms, cocooning the younger man beneath him. "I know."

"Why wait at all?" Blair asked between clenched teeth.

"Because whether you want to admit it or not, you still love Jim."

"Damn it, that's not--"

"Shh," Simon said quietly, laying a finger over both of Blair's lips. "Yes, it is."

"I love you."

"I know."

"Then why?"

"Because I don't think Jim understands what you were offering him."

"I wasn't--"

"Yes, you were."

"Si--"

"Blair--"

"Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Bear."

"No. It's just that I can't...I can't..."

"I know," Simon assured him, his lips caressing the face beneath his.

Blair closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. "How much longer are you willing to wait?"

Simon pulled his head back and ran a possessive hand down the length of Blair's body; smiling wickedly as the younger man trembled beneath his touch. "Not much damn longer that's for sure. "


	4. Pauses

Blair swam toward consciousness one layer at a time, cognizant of the fact he was surrounded by Simon's sleeping possessive warmth; so was surprised when an almost overwhelming despair swept over him, making him feel like he had misplaced something precious. He frowned. The thought didn't make any sense.

He blinked his eyes open...only to find Jim sitting on the bed beside him, a pillow laying flat across his lap.

"I woke up about six this morning," Jim said softly, conversationally. "I couldn't go back to sleep so I spent a couple of hours bringing everything up from the basement."

Blair watched Jim's fingers pick at a thread in the pillowcase.

"Your body's still healing and I knew you didn't need the strain of lifting anything heavy, so I tracked down your motel room and took your stuff back to the loft. I think I managed to put everything back where it originally was. I also got the motel to give you a refund for the remainder of the month."

"Thank you," Blair said simply, not sure what else to say.

"It was way after lunch so I thought I'd come by and roust you two out of bed."

Blair closed his eyes momentarily, clearly hearing everything Jim wasn't saying. "What time is it?" he finally asked.

"About three."

Blair was shocked. "Three?"

"Give or take a few minutes."

"I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"Your body's been through a lot these past two weeks. If it wants to sleep, let it."

Blair smiled at Jim, but it faded in the awkward silence. "Why don't we wake Simon and the three of us go out for a late lunch?"

Jim shook his head. "I rather not."

Blair sighed softly. "I never meant--"

"I know."

"Do you still want me to come back?"

"You're still my guide, aren't you?"

"I don't know. Am I, Jim?" Blair asked softly, reminding his sentinel of how much they had stumbled in the past few weeks.

"Of course you are," Jim whispered angrily. Simon stirred behind Blair, and Jim dropped his gaze to his hands, but after several moments flicked it back to the sleeping captain. "I had...at the temple...in the pool." Jim stopped and took a deep breath. "I know we've been out of synch lately, but I understand now."

"Understand what?" Blair prompted, when it became apparent Jim wasn't going to say anything more.

"I understand who you are now."

"Who I am? I'm who I've always been."

"I know." Jim dropped his gaze back to the pillow.

"I don't understand."

"I know, but I do."

Blair smiled at the absurdity of their conversation.

"I want you to come home, Blair." Jim's eyes sought Blair's.

"And I want to come home."

Jim looked startled. "Really?"

"Yes, really. But can you accept--"

"Yes," Jim said quickly, cutting him off.

"Be sure, Jim. Be very sure."

"I'm sure. Trust me."

"I do." Blair brought his hand up and wearily rubbed it over his face. "But the real question is can you trust me?"

Jim nodded.

Blair reached out and grabbed his sentinel's hand and squeezed it tight. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Jim said, almost defiantly.

Blair gave Jim a tiny grin as he withdrew his hand. "Okay then."

Again, Jim looked startled, but returned the smile. "Okay." He smoothed the pillow in his lap, then sighed. "I guess...I'll go home now."

"If you feel that's best," Blair said quietly, although he hoped his tone implied that Jim didn't have to leave.

"I think...for now...it is."

"I don't know when I'll be home," Blair said quietly, but then quickly added when he saw Jim frown, "but I'll be home before bedtime."

Jim nodded, then put the pillow on the bed next to Blair's head. "I'll be waiting."

Blair watched in silence as Jim left the room. It couldn't be that easy. He knew better, but still he couldn't help but hope. He frown as he recalled their conversation. Just what was it that Jim knew now?

Blair turned within Simon's protective embrace and watched the older man's face as he slowly started his climb out of the realm of Morpheous. He was struck by how much younger Simon looked when asleep and wondered what it would take to get the older man to look that relaxed while awake. For a moment, he amused himself with ghosting his hand over Simon's face, committing the lines to memory.

Naomi had always taught him to love the person, not the package; but he had never expected to find himself in love with a man, let alone two. He loved Simon, but could no longer deny the fact that he loved Jim as well. The two men were so completely different and yet, in many way, the same.

"What am I going to do?" he whispered to himself.

His love for both men had grown gradually over time; had, in fact, grown so slowly that he knew he'd never be able to pinpoint the exact moment when it had become something more than friendship or family. What he felt for Simon was steady and mature, a love he would have forever, an almost married sort of affection. Blair knew he would love Simon just as much when he was eighty as he did now, watching the man sleep.

And while he loved Jim, he could admit that it was more passionate, running hot and cold depending on the day and circumstance. While Simon made him feel like an adult, Jim made him feel like a gawky adolescent, unsure of himself, yet desperate for approval.

What shocked him the most was his physical need for both men. He snorted quietly in amusement. It had to be a sentinel thing. If Jim was the sentinel, and he was the guide, what was Simon? The Chief?

His eyes widened in surprise; that thought made a certain amount of sense. Sentinels and guides patrolled the borders, and while they protected the tribe, they reported to one man--the chieftain. Wouldn't the guide act as a liaison between the two most powerful men in the tribe? Wouldn't he serve two masters? Wouldn't that mean--

"You're thinking."

Blair blinked, then looked into the amused brown eyes. "Sorry."

"Do I want to know about what?"

"Um...probably not just yet."

"I can live with that." Simon brought one hand to his face and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

Blair rolled Simon onto his back and gently bit Simon's lower lip, while he ran one hand up and down the older man's body. "What time do you want it to be?" With deliberate slowness, he thrust his hips downward.

Simon groaned, his body involuntarily thrusting back. Knowing it wasn't quite an invitation, but taking the initiative anyway, Blair hungrily kissed the bigger man. For several minutes, Simon responded, but, as Blair knew he would, he began to slow the pace.

"Please, Simon," he begged, not liking the neediness in his voice.

Simon wrapped both of his arms around Blair and held him tightly against his chest. "Nothing's changed."

"That's not quite true."

"What do you mean?"

Blair pulled back and looked down into the dark face. "Jim was here."

"What?" Simon sat up quickly, dislodging Blair. "When was this?"

"About an hour ago."

Simon rubbed both hands over his face. "What...what did he want?"

"He wants me to come home."

"What about--" Simon waved a hand between them.

"Well, I think it's safe to say he's figured it out."

"And?"

"And he still wants me to come home."

"Is that what you want?"

Blair sighed softly. "I'm still his guide, Simon."

"I know. And truth be told, I wouldn't have it any other way." Simon turned and searched Blair's face as if looking for something specific.

"I love you, Simon."

Simon smiled warmly at him. "I love you as well."

"You're going to make me wait, aren't you?" Blair asked, although he defiantly ran a hand over Simon's crotch.

The bigger man trembled, but gently caught Blair's hand and held it away from his body. "Until you figure out your feelings for Jim, I think it's for the best."

"But I know what my feelings for Jim are, Simon; just as I know what my feelings are for you."

Simon raised a curious eyebrow.

"You see, I have this theory..."


	5. Possibilities

"Jim, are you home?" Blair shut the door behind him and reflexively dropped his keys in the basket. "Jim?" He gasped in surprise as he turned and came face to face with his roommate. "Hey." He tried to smile, but failed under the unblinking scrutiny of his friend. "I'm home," he added nervously when Jim remained silent.

"Are you?"

Blair frowned. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes, but for how long?"

Blair tried to walk past Jim, but found his way blocked. "What's going on, man?"

"How long are you home for?"

Frowning, Blair answered, "For as long as you'll have me."

"What about Simon?"

"What about him?"

"Don't play games with me, Sandburg?"

"Just what exactly are you asking, Jim?"

"Are you sleeping with him?"

Blair swallowed hard; but before he could answer, he found himself pressed against the door.

Jim's hands roamed roughly over his body. "Are you allowing him to touch you?"

"Yes," Blair whispered harshly.

"To kiss you?" Jim's mouth sucked greedily at his neck, his teeth scraping along Blair's jaw line, biting at his chin and lips.

Blair closed his eyes and offered Jim more of his neck. "Yes."

"Is he fucking you?" Jim's hips pinned his own against the door.

"No," he barely breathed.

"Liar."

"He's not," Blair insisted.

Jim drew back to look into Blair's eyes. "But you would if he wanted."

"Yes." Blair mouthed the word, no sound issuing from his lips.

"And yet you come crawling home to me now?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Jim's hips thrusted steadily against Blair.

"Because I love you."

Jim laughed harshly. "And such a faithful love it is, too."

"You threw me away," Blair shouted, then added softly, "Twice." Fear tickled at his stomach for the first time as Jim's gaze met his own.

"Isn't that my right?" Jim's voice was low and dangerous.

"Wha-what?"

"As a sentinel...isn't it my right? To use you as I see fit?"

Blair opened his mouth, but said nothing.

"What? No 'Rah! Rah! We're a team' speech?"

Blair shook his head, his gaze never leaving Jim's face.

"I've had a lot of time to think while I've been waiting for you to come home," Jim whispered angrily. "I pulled you from the after-life; therefore, you belong to me."

Jim ripped open Blair's flannel shirt, sending buttons flying all around the loft. "People always leave me." Jim scrabbled at Blair's jeans, then yanked them down, spun him and pinned him hard to the door. "They leave me because they can't cope with who and what I am." Rough hands pushed the final barrier away. Blair closed his eyes as he heard Jim unzip his jeans. "But you can't leave me, can you?"

"No, Jim, I can't," Blair whispered between harsh gasps for air.

Jim rubbed himself against Blair's backside. "And why is that?"

Blair swallowed hard. "Because I love you."

Jim slammed his fist against the door, right above Blair's shoulder. "No, it's because I'm a sentinel and you're a guide."

"No, Jim. I don't leave because I love you. I know you're not perfect, but that doesn't change the way I feel about you."

"You don't love me, you bastard. You love Simon."

"I love you both," Blair whispered. "I don't want to love either one of you, but I do. God help me, I do."

"So you'd give yourself to both of us?"

"Yes."

"But you haven't let him fuck you?"

"No. I wanted to, but he wouldn't do it."

"You want it so bad you don't care where you get it?"

"That's not true and you know it."

"And if I take you now."

"That's your right, Jim. It's your right because I give you that right."

"You have to choose, Sandburg. You can't have us both."

"I can't...I can't choose." Blair turned and faced his roommate. "Take the choice from me, Jim. Take me now. Mark me. Do whatever you need to do, but I can't be the one to choose between you. I love you both, and even if you keep me away from Simon forever, it won't change how I feel about him. But know this, Jim. I do love you and my love for Simon doesn't change what I feel for you. I'm never going to leave you, Jim. You can't throw me away, because I'll always come back...not because you're a sentinel, but because you're the man I love."

Blair watched as Jim's face softened, then watched as the horror of their situation grew in Jim's eyes. With trembling hands, the sentinel tried to close Blair's shirt, but no buttons remained. With his gaze never leaving Blair's, he knelt and pulled up Blair's boxers and jeans.

"It's okay, Jim." Blair's hands gently cupped the back of his sentinel's head. Jim raised a hand to ward him off, but Blair wouldn't be denied. "It's okay."

Jim shook his head.

"I'm not leaving you."

"God, Blair...I almost...I..."

"But you didn't."

"I could have hurt--"

"No, you couldn't."

"Please--"

"I love you."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true."

"I don't deserve--"

"You're right. You don't deserve me." When Jim's gaze dropped, he added hastily, "But don't you see, Jim, love isn't about deserving it. It just is."

"You can't just--"

"What? Forgive you?"

"Yes."

"Why not?"

"Damn it, Sandburg, I almost raped you!"

"You can't forcefully take what's freely given, Jim."

Jim slammed his fist into the door again, but Blair grabbed it before he could slam it a second time. "Come on, Jim, we need to talk."

*-*-*-*-*-*

Simon took a deep breath as he slipped the key into the loft's door. His heart had been in his throat since Jim's ragged call, saying only, _Come to the loft._

He had knocked, but no one had opened the door. Fears, from years of being a cop, tortured him. Steeling himself for the worse, he opened the door, but the loft was dark. He flipped on the light, his gaze quickly scanning the open area.

Jim sat in the plush chair beside the couch, but didn't acknowledge him. Simon worried briefly about zoning, but his terror for Blair's safety pushed that concern aside. Only his trust in their friendship, which had been his bedrock for years, kept him from drawing his gun as he moved closer to the couch, which was faced away from him.

A low moan escaped his lips as took in Blair's supine form. Blair's shirt was ripped, his hair mussed, his pants not completely secured around his waist.

"He's not dead," a quiet voice informed him.

"What did you do?" Simon demanded, but his strength had left him, leaving his question whispered instead of shouted.

"I didn't...I tried...but I couldn't."

"Is he hurt?"

Jim shook his head, his eyes never leaving the sleeping form.

Simon growled; his anger finally igniting, knowing that Blair was safe. "I ought to run your ass down to the station."

"He loves us both," Jim said, finally looking at his friend.

Simon's anger drained completely when he noticed Jim's tortured gaze. "I know."

"He wouldn't chose...not even when I...he wouldn't choose."

"He has a theory--"

"I know, he told me before he fell asleep."

"So what are we going to do?"

Jim looked up at Simon. "I can't lose him."

"I know."

"And I suspect you can't lose him either."

Simon released a deep breath. "No, I don't think I can."

"Can we do this?" Jim asked softly. "For him?"

Simon shrugged. "For him, I think we need to try."

"What about..."

"What about what?"

Jim nodded absently several times then thrust his chin toward his bedroom.

"Oh!" Simon said quietly.

"Yeah, oh. You ever?"

"Just the normal boyhood stuff, no..."

"Penetration?"

"No. You?"

"No."

Simon looked down at the sleeping guide. "Do you think--"

"No."

"Well, this ought to be interesting."

"You think?"

Simon chuckled quietly to himself and shook his head in disbelief.

"So what are we going to do?"

Simon shrugged. "Take it one day at a time, I suppose. I don't see any other way to approach this."

"I suppose you're right."

"But Jim."

"Yes, Simon."

"You ever pull a stunt like this again and you'll answer to me. Do you understand?"

Jim's eyes hardened for a moment, before he sighed, then nodded. "And if you ever hurt him..."

"Understood."

Jim got out of his chair and walked into the kitchen. Simon followed, for lack of anything better to do. He watched Jim pull down a bottle of scotch and pour two shot glasses to the rim.

"To the future," he said quietly, handing Simon a glass.

Simon waited until Jim lifted his own glass, then tapped it gently in salute. "To the future."

Both man threw their heads back and swallowed the amber liquid. As if sharing the same thought, they both set the glasses on the counter hard and reached for each other, lips locking and exploring the other's mouth. When the need to breathe finally became overwhelming they both took a step back.

Jim shrugged. "This might work."

Simon smiled and returned the nonchalant shrug. "It definitely has possibilities."


	6. And Eyes To See

_It isn't right. It just isn't right,_ Joel thought as he rubbed his face with both hands. He shouldn't be the one sitting watch beside the hospital bed. Jim should be here. Or Simon. Not him. But Jim and Simon weren't here anymore and he'd be damned before he let Blair wake up alone.

Joel looked over at the still figure, taking in the gauze covered eyes. The doctors had no idea whether the young man would ever see again. The explosion had...oh God, the explosion.

Joel stood and forced himself to walk to the window, trying to distract himself by looking out into the night. He gripped his head with both hands, not knowing what else to do with his pent-up grief. They had lost both Jim and Simon in one fell swoop, taken out by a madman's bomb. For two days he had held out hope, for Jim, Simon and Blair had always had the knack for surviving the impossible. If anyone could have found a way to escape the exploding building, it would have been Jim and Simon.

But their luck had finally run out.

And consequently, so had Blair's. For whatever reason, the young man had lagged behind. Witnesses reported that Blair was jogging toward the building when it blew, knocking him back over thirty feet. One woman had described the explosion as the beginning of the Apocalypse.

Joel walked to the head of the bed. He knew that once Blair learned of Jim's death, they would lose the young detective fairly quickly. Oh, he wouldn't commit suicide or do anything drastic. He would simply fade away.

Joel always considered himself blessed, being the first one in Major Crimes to meet the bouncy anthropologist. Jim could have knocked him over with a feather when he announced on the Green Street bridge that Blair was his new partner. Jim Ellison, who hadn't had a partner since Jack Pendegrast, was taking on a civilian ride-along. Joel had wondered briefly if Ellison had finally gone around the bend.

While people shook their heads in wonder, Blair Sandburg quickly made himself indispensable not only to Jim, but to everyone in Major Crimes.

Very few people could meet the anthropologist and not be impressed. Hell, the mere fact he rode with Ellison was enough to earn him a grudging nod from most of the patrolmen. Taking out two of Kincaid's gunmen during the siege on Central had earned their open respect.

Simon hadn't been as easy to convince. Joel knew that a lot of his friend's resistance had been because Blair was not technically qualified to be a partner to Jim and because he worried about the young man being hurt.

Jim's acceptance of the grad student had been interspersed with annoyance, but Jim needed Blair. Joel didn't understand the where's or how's or why's, but anyone who watched the pair knew that Blair provided Jim with something he desperately needed--not only on a professional level, but also as a friend.

Blair's relationship with Simon had taken longer to develop. The unlikely friendship between the two had been forged in fire and tempered in laughter.

Joel remembered back to when Jim had started acting so strangely. Several events, starting with the incident at Clayton Falls and culminating with Blair's death, had almost torn the two men apart forever. If it hadn't have been for Simon, Joel seriously doubted the partnership would have survived. He had no idea how Simon did it, but Jim and Blair had never been stronger. Hell, the three of them acted like a mini-unit within the department itself.

Blair had finished his dissertation on closed police societies, and joined the squad after taking firearms training. Blair already knew more about procedure than most rookie detectives. No one raised an eyebrow, not even patrolmen on the waiting lists to enter the ranks of detectives themselves. The gold badge simply formalized something that everyone already understood and accepted.

For two years Joel had the pleasure of watching the official team of Ellison and Sandburg work. There was no better team in the city, in the county, in the state, and he dare say on the coast. Watching Jim, Simon and Blair work was like watching an elaborate dance. Never stumbling, always graceful, supporting each other, working as a team, never seeking individual glory.

But that was over now.

A sob caught at the back of his throat. He always thought that Jim and Blair would go out in a blaze of glory, and on some that seemed almost appropriate. However, over the last two years Joel started to suspect that Simon would be just as destroyed by the loss of the two men as either man themselves.

Joel desperately tried to hook onto a good memory. He needed something to keep from crumbling. He had to be strong--for Blair.

He remembered dropping by Simon's on a Saturday just two weeks previous. The triad, as he liked to think of them, had said something about having a handyman's weekend. Joel had had some free time and dropped by to help. The afternoon had been filled with teasing and laughter, friendship and love.

Love.

Joel squeezed his eyes tightly shut. Oh lord, right under his nose and he hadn't realized what he was seeing. He remembered Blair standing on a ladder with a paintbrush, dressed in worn jeans, one of Jim's blue henleys and an oversized shirt of Simon's. How could he have been so blind? Love had radiated from every pore of the young man.

Another sob ripped from his throat. There was no hope now. No way to keep Blair with them, amongst the living. What enticement could he use to interest Blair in life when all he held dear was dead?

A moan from the bed startled him from his thoughts. Oh god, he was waking up! A part of him, he was ashamed to admit, almost wished that Blair would never wake up, never have to face the loss which would utterly shatter him.

"'im?" the raw voice whispered.

Joel pressed his nails into his palms, trying to calm himself.

"Si?"

"No, Blair. It's just me. Joel."

"'oel?"

"Yeah, it's me, Blair."

"'ere?"

"You need to get some rest, son; but first, let me call the doctor."

"No. W'ere?...'oel...ease..."

Joel remained silent, rolling his head back onto his shoulders, begging God to keep him from having to utter the next words. He swallowed hard, then whispered, "They didn't make it, Blair."

The young detective's response was immediate. His back arched off the bed. A primal keen ripped through the room, shredding all of Joel's belief in a merciful God. He lunged forward, trying to catch the hands renting the air with their denial. He could hear feet pounding down the hallway, and was grateful the nurses had heard the commotion.

The door slammed opened, filled instantly with two giant men. Joel stumbled back in disbelief as he watched the grimy men's eyes hone onto the bed and the blind man writhing in agony.

They moved quickly, one to each side of the bed.

"Shhh, babe, we're here. We're here." Jim crooned as he grabbed Blair's right hand and placed it over his heart, his other hand soothing the young man's cheek.

Simon took the other jerking hand and held it to his chest, using the back of his right hand to run up and down Blair's other cheek. "Come on, Bear. Calm down. You know we wouldn't leave you."

"Si? 'im?"

"Yes, it's us." Jim brought the trembling hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss onto the scrapped knuckles.

"ow?"

"Jim heard the device. He pushed us down the stairwell. We were trapped. It took us a little while to dig out." Simon rubbed Blair's arms in strokes as short as his sentences, almost petting the younger man.

"Thought...'oel sai'...alone."

"Never alone, beloved." Simon leaned forward and gently brushed his lips over Blair's. When he sat back, Jim leaned forward and repeated the gesture.

The three men on the bed spent several moments trying to contain their tears and their breathing, never releasing their grip on one another.

"Sorry it took so long to get back." Jim released a deep shuddering breath, as if releasing all the tension from his body. "But Simon is such a weenie when it comes to getting his hands dirty."

The younger man snorted, then shook in pain, but laughed again. Simon reached over and got a tissue from the tray beside the bed and wiped Blair's face with it. "Blow," he said with quiet authority.

Blair's chest heaved in amusement, but did as instructed. "And I wouldn't listen to him, if I were you. I think I deserve a medal for being forced into an enclosed space with him for two days."

"Hey, you're not the one with the heightened sense of smell."

"As if I needed a heightened sense after you had Mexican for lunch."

Blair shuddered, bringing the mock argument to a halt. The younger man brought the arms of both men to his chest and held on tight.

"Jim heard you waking." Simon's fingers played in the curly hair. "We ran up the stairs, hoping to stop Joel from saying the words."

Jim chuckled, repeating the older man's gestures on the other side of the bed. "We're getting old, Simon. We can't even run up stairs anymore."

"Love you both so much," Blair whispered, his voice still raw. "Can't ever lose you."

"You won't, babe. Ever. We swear," Jim vowed quietly. "But for right now, you need to get some sleep. Okay? Can you do that for us?"

Blair nodded, but didn't speak. Nor did he release the hands at his chest. When the younger man's breathing finally even out, Simon turned to look at his old friend.

"I suppose we have a lot of explaining to do?"

Joel stepped forward and smiled, his whole face hurting with joy. "Nothing to explain, really." He laid his hand on his friend's back. "Except, how did you know he was waking up?"

"We felt it." Simon reached his free hand over the curly head and settled it in the short hair of the sleeping sentinel. He looked up into the face of his dearest friend. "The world will be looking for us soon. We sort of jumped out of the ambulance as soon as we got here."

"I understand. You just rest now. Okay?"

Simon nodded, his eyelids struggling to stay open. "They'll put us in separate rooms."

"No, they won't, or my name isn't Joel Kenneth Taggert."

Simon smiled, his struggles near an end. "His eyes?"

"Will open to see your faces again. Of that, I have no doubt. God has renewed my faith in miracles. Go to sleep, my friend, I have the watch."

Joel watched as Simon's muscles slowly melted into sleep. Joel closed his eyes briefly, opening them quickly to make sure his friends were still with him. Why had he ever doubted? God had opened his eyes to a perfect love, to a bond so strong that it screamed its defiance at death. Everything would be okay. It wouldn't be an easy road, but the adversity would only make them stronger. God would open Blair's beautiful blue eyes again, just as he had opened his own to the wonders of love.


End file.
